Sisterhood Secrets Every Fire Wife Needs to Know

Building a fire wife community is not something that happens automatically — it takes vulnerability, intentional effort, and the courage to reach out. In this episode, two firewives from the Vista Fire Department share the story of an eleven-year friendship that began when one arrived in the US with no support system, a language barrier, a new marriage, and a husband already pulling shifts. Together they unpack what it actually takes to survive and thrive in the fire life — from navigating culture shock and isolation to finding your identity outside the badge. If you have ever felt alone in this lifestyle or wondered how other women make it look easy, this honest conversation will remind you that nobody does it without help.

Key Takeaways

• Surviving fire wife isolation starts with being willing to be vulnerable with someone you barely know, because trust is built through mutual sharing, not through waiting until you feel safe.
• Building a fire wife community across cultures is possible when both people bring equal willingness to show up, and friendship in the fire life grows from a two-way exchange rather than one person leading and one person following.
• One of the biggest firefighter spouse mental health challenges is learning to ask for what you need instead of expecting people to guess, because even close friends cannot support you the right way without honest communication.
• Finding independence as a fire wife means rebuilding your identity around your own values and goals, not just around your partner's schedule, and protecting that self even as the demands of the fire life shift.
• Connecting with other firefighter families matters because they already understand the strike teams, the forced overtime, and the canceled vacations — and you never have to explain or justify your frustration to people living the same reality.
• Social media comparison is one of the quiet threats to new fire wife mental health, because the community posts its highlights while privately navigating all the same struggles, and reaching out in real life reveals what no feed ever shows.
• For a firewife whose husband is on his first strike team, the most important coping strategy is to keep living your own life fully — running, dancing, working — because staying in motion protects your sense of self when the schedule is completely out of your control.

Transcript

Heather (00:01.185)
Hello, Fire Family Collective. This is Heather. I'm back to host another podcast. Today we have Edralyn and Maria. would you guys like to introduce yourself?

Edralyn (00:12.504)
Sure. My name is Edralyn I am a firewife. my husband is a captain at Vista for over fifteen years. yeah.

Maria McDonald (00:26.991)
Hi, my name is Maria. I've been a firewife for ten years. My husband is Patrick and he is a captain with the Vista Fire Department.

Heather (00:39.575)
Awesome. Thank you guys for being here today and making the time to kind of share with us today's topic. We're kind of talking about sisterhood, community, and finding the connections that we need to survive this crazy fire life. let's go ahead and let's go straight into your guys' kind of story of how you guys met. I know we kind of talked to about it on the phone previously, but your kind of wild ride into fire life.

fire wife life, Maria.

Maria McDonald (01:12.719)
Sure. well, I met Edralyn when I moved from Costa Rica to the US. kind of maybe before that when I was dating Pat probably eleven years ago. And once I did move here ten almost eleven years now, Edralyn made sure I was

feeling welcomed, included. she would always like call me, text me, see how I was doing, go out every other weekend. and and yeah, so I guess she kind of knew what I was getting into. I did not know what I was getting into. I just thought I was just getting husband and new

family and new a group of friends and turns out that was not the case. I got dual shock. I got culture shock from, you know, Latin American culture to the American culture. And then there's the fire culture shock where all of a sudden you are by yourself for

Two days, three days in a row in a country where you know nobody. Adrelein kinda became my best friend, my my family, my sister. She kinda like grabbed my hand and she never let go. And eleven years later, here we are. She's been with me through thick and thin and my highs and very low lows.

Heather (02:59.224)
Okay.

Heather (03:08.215)
Edralyn how like what did you see that brought you to like reaching out to Maria and kinda helping support her? Like what was kind of calling to you?

Edralyn (03:25.182)
well, I mean, outside of the fire, right? Because I she didn't know anything about it. She she was just as as curious as I was with the friendship. And so I think what makes our relationship good is that she was also willing to put into it. So it was a mutual relationship and

Maria, you had so many g great c things to say. But it lit literally was just to people wanting to to connect. And it wasn't even because I saw her as initially as a as a fire, you know, significant other, but she was an individual that also wanted to to connect and have a friend and

Heather (03:56.586)
Yeah.

Edralyn (04:21.504)
She put herself out there and I invited and I received and it was like this sort of dance of, you know, like you meet me here, I meet you there, you know, you share this with me, I share that with you. So there was a lot of participating and engaging that has, you know, formed this eleven eleven year friendship.

Heather (04:40.811)
From both sides it sounds like.

Maria McDonald (04:46.459)
Yeah.

Heather (04:47.841)
Maria, what I wanna hear a little bit more of like kinda the culture shock of like were you dating Pat when you were in Costa Rica and he was here in America or what was that kinda like and what was like that shift into coming to America?

Maria McDonald (05:04.329)
Yeah, we dated long distance. I met him during his last day on his trip in Costa Rica. so I basically just saw him in person for twelve hours and then he flew back and we just stayed in touch through FaceTime, text messaging, calling. we went back and forth and

And then yeah, when we decided that we wanted to get married, it was very fast. it was within a year and I wanna say three months, five months, a year and a half probably. And then the shock is that in Latin America you don't move out of your parents' house when you go to college. You just live there until you get married and then you move out.

So even though you think you're independent, you're not independent, you're still surrounded with family, plus Latin America families are very big and you always have your mom, your dad, your sister, your aunt, your cousin, everybody's in your house, you know, every weekend.

Heather (06:18.711)
Support system right there at home.

Maria McDonald (06:21.689)
Correct. And I had other traditions. We would always go every Sunday to my grandma's house and all my uncles, aunts and cousins, we would go there for dinner every Sunday. And I moved here. My mom and dad stayed for a week and then they moved back. Patrick went back to work and then I'm by myself and now

I don't have my support system. I'm don't have my primary language, you know. I I can't speak Spanish with anybody. now I'm the head of the household, you know, like I'm responsible for a house. I'm responsible for grocery shopping, cleaning, all of these things that I ha never th

Taking into consideration when I was living in my mom's house, you know, somebody else would take care of that. Now that was all on me, plus then having my husband come in and out of my everyday, you know, schedule, I would say. and then also when you move into this country, you're not allowed to work for

Heather (07:36.338)
Yeah.

Maria McDonald (07:45.293)
six months because you're in background checks. You need to get your green card. You need to get a work permit. So you're sitting at home and you have a lot of time in your hands and you're thinking like, well, what am I doing here? I'm by myself. Who do I know? I want to work. I can't work. I want to see X, Y, and C, but now I can't. You know, it's like kind of very weird. And all of a sudden it hits you.

like a train wreck. And that's when you being new in the fire department need to be vulnerable and reach out and say, Hey, I feel alone. Hey, I'm struggling. Hey, I miss my family. Hey you know, I I I don't know what's happening. I don't know what a a a strike team is 'cause I think Pat went in

in a strike team a couple of months within our marriage and well I'd really made sure all my needs were met. I remember also a different far wife made a joke and she's like just think it as you're living during World War One and you're waiting to receive a letter. You'll not hear from them in a long time and that's okay. If you hear news it's bad. If if you don't hear news, it's good. And I'm like, okay, well

Heather (09:05.001)
that's yeah.

Heather (09:11.287)
So it kinda it kinda sounds like like when you moved here your whole world kind of flipped upside down and it's like completely different and then getting thrown also into the the fire life and stripe teams and him being gone and then you not being able to work so then you're kinda stuck just kinda figuring out and finding and then going from a house full of people who's there's that connection there to

Maria McDonald (09:12.111)
I guess I'll write him.

Maria McDonald (09:30.82)
Right.

Heather (09:41.547)
He's gone at work for how many days and like you have no one here. Ad w Edralyn what was like the beginning of your guys' friendship like like? Could you could you like describe kinda like what I guess it was like?

Edralyn (09:59.023)
it was a lot of one-on-one. I think because there was a lot of things that Maria just didn't know, right? Because she was out of her elements. It was that intentional time to get to know her. I think that made a big difference in a relationship.

like she mentioned, there were a lot of things that she didn't know. And in fairness, it was Maria's incredible ability to be vulnerable and trust someone who she barely knew, right? And so there was that reciprocity where she would tell me something vulnerable about her and I too would do the same and we just built our trust and friendship that way. So I think there was a lot of yes

hand holding but in a way that was not because like hey I know everything let let me show you the ropes let me show you the way but it was hand holding in that I was trying to provide security with Maria in that yes there will be moments where she was going to be alone. Like I couldn't be there for her all the time also, right? Because I have

My w my my work, my my kids too, and my own home to kind of keep in stock with food or whatever, but letting her know that when she does need me, I I will be there. But she needs to tell me what she needs too, because it needs to be known and I can't keep guessing because I'm I'm gonna guess it wrong. And I think that that goes also the same way with your partner, right? Like you have to

be able to vocalize what you need so that your needs can be met. So I think in just relationship wise, you you have to always, you know, advocate for yourself and be honest and be vulnerable, in order for people to show up in the right way, in the way that you need them to.

Heather (11:51.766)
Yeah.

Heather (12:08.047)
I really like how you said that, yeah. so it is it I think you're right with the open communication, to be able to 'cause we're not mind readers, we can't read each other's mind. We're all kinda individual. We like different things, but to be able to be vulnerable to each other, to be able to openly communicate and commu not have it sounds like there wasn't really set expectations.

Edralyn (12:19.874)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (12:34.901)
More so that giving and receiving towards each other. Does that sound a bit right? Or

Edralyn (12:39.778)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah. And the you know, and it's morphed to the way that Maria and I maintain our relationship and maintain our communication, right? Like she is a lot more independent now, she's like working, she's in you know, she has different circles also. So our frequency is not always as as much as before for for us connecting and hanging out.

Maria McDonald (12:43.705)
Yeah.

Edralyn (13:09.302)
And that's okay, right? We that's where we want our relationship to grow.

Heather (13:15.273)
Maria, could you tell us a little bit more about how you found independence after coming into the States and after waiting that six months and kind of what you've done to find yourself in all of this?

Maria McDonald (13:31.501)
Yeah, I think a lot of of that is knowing who you are, you know, what you bring as a person to the table, not losing your values, your principles, and your sense of being. Like I'm I'm Maria, these are my likes, these are not my like my dislikes, these are my hobbies.

And so just baby steps, you know, once I got that work permit, then started to to apply to jobs and get back on a role where where I was before I moved here. I was a preschool teacher for 15 years and just kind of started working and building my my professional self again.

And as time moved on, I met different firewives. there everybody has a different personality, so you kinda like gravitate towards people who have a similar mindset or you know like to j to joke and don't take offense on things like like your jokes or

Heather (14:52.161)
kind of align with you and you're gonna you

Maria McDonald (14:59.779)
people who are like to say things straightforward as you do. and also like Edralyn said, who will not take offense that if you can't answer the phone right away or a text message, it's you're not gonna think like, they just they don't like me. People like, you know, have things going on in their life, but you're always gonna make time for

your friends and people who are reaching out for you. so establishing other connections within the fire department and outside the fire department. and after COVID hit, I found a passion

for law, so now I'm a paralegal. I've been a paralegal for six years. So I shifted from being an educator for more than fifteen years to now being in the law world, which I absolutely love and kept my hobbies going. made sure to always have time for whoever needs me within the fire department. You know, make sure I still

get some time to see Edralyn and see other firewives at least once a month get together, catch up, hey, how's life? how's everything going? And mainly to just like enjoy each other's time and have a good time, but also touch base if somebody is struggling. It's like, hey, like, you know, I'm having issues with this, like how have you tackled this? and

Yeah, that's how I found my feet after moving here.

Heather (16:52.427)
Yeah. It's like it seem it's like life is this juggling game that we're all in. We have to find the right like kind of balls to juggle of life, of like partner, friendship, work, finding yourself. kind of all of that. Edralyn, like what where what is your independence out of this too? Yes, what is what does that look like for you?

Maria McDonald (17:14.051)
Mm mm.

Edralyn (17:17.718)
It's I would definitely categorize myself as a very independent person. Sometimes I'm too good at it where I have everything planned out. I'm like it's that's how I deal with my anxiety is I like to take control and plan every detail, right? and I like to troubleshoot and I just like to be prepared for anything.

Heather (17:42.655)
Yeah.

Edralyn (17:50.803)
and sometimes like I said, I'm too good at being independent. Like when my my husband comes home, he's like, What are you guys doing? And we're like, we're busy and we have A, B, and C and we have to go do this and da da. so sometimes like don't like don't do that, right? Like sometimes I'm too good at it that I'm like, Well, you great if you can make it, great if you know, it's all right if you don't, but that's not like fair to him.

Heather (18:02.834)
Yeah.

Maria McDonald (18:09.966)
Yeah.

Edralyn (18:20.204)
because he's trying to get into our routine and our our groove. so like you said, it has to be just a balance of of independence and when to cut stuff out of your schedule and just really prioritizing like what's important to me and that's family. So just really making that the center of how I schedule, how I schedule work.

How I schedule my time with my friends, how I schedule my personal hobbies with just, you know, a a a center and and that and for me that's that's family.

Heather (19:03.189)
Yeah. what does your guys' friendship look now? What el eleven years later?

Maria McDonald (19:14.209)
I yeah. I feel like

Edralyn (19:14.303)
yeah.

I I it's it's it's busy, it's hectic. And literally I will text or maybe I'll get a call from Maria on during my commute to work.

So from like yeah, from like coming to visit her and having dinner when she'll be like home alone to now it's you know, like it's these quick check-ins and and that's okay. If we make it work, I think and that's you know, we schedule stuff, we'll see each other, we'll text each other like, Are you going to the Christmas party? I'm gonna go to what are you wearing? You know, like so those are like exciting when we do actually see each other. It's so much more of a treat and a

Maria McDonald (19:30.157)
Likewise.

Heather (19:31.979)
Yeah.

Heather (19:51.163)
Yeah.

Edralyn (19:59.427)
Total treasure.

Maria McDonald (20:02.179)
Yeah.

Heather (20:02.187)
What would you say like the key building blocks to finding friendship or connection in this lifestyle? What would you what would what would be some key building blocks?

Maria McDonald (20:15.543)
I would say communication. I mean, that's very key in any relationship, whether it's friendship, it's with a spouse, with a sibling or, you know, parent. It's just open communication, trust, vulnerability that I trust you if I'm coming with you with this very vulnerable time.

you're you're gonna you know respect it you're you're gonna you know just keep it to yourself and likewise like you can count on me to come when you're struggling and this is just gonna stay between us you know it's it's a vulnerable time for you and I'll respect it and honor it and help you through it until you're back on your feet. and

Yeah, it's it's it has to be it's a two way street, you know. I I give to you what you give to me, like I I give communication to you, you give that to me, I give you trust, you give it to me, I give you vulnerability, you'll give it to me. but I think the takeaway for us is we need to reach out to each other. I know Edralyn

has a more hectic schedule, she has kids. I don't have kids. I have more more time. but it's it's just making that little effort, you know, like we said like now we just find five minutes during our commute to work. Like call each other, hey, how are you? How are things going? How's your weekend? Or things like that. Or I haven't heard from you in a long time. Like do you

Edralyn (21:49.754)
Yeah.

Heather (21:51.517)
Mm-hmm.

Maria McDonald (22:13.667)
When I get together soon, whether it's just both of us or do you wanna like call X, Y, and Z? Or let's try to you know. Yeah.

Heather (22:23.477)
Yeah. It's making that effort even if it's small. This little small like phone calls, the five minute calls, add up to c keeping the strength in the friendship. why, Edralyn why do you think that like we in this community would need like friendship within the community? People who kinda get it or living similar lifestyles.

Maria McDonald (22:36.717)
Yeah. Yeah.

Edralyn (22:54.286)
because we don't have to catch people up, right? Like we can just get into our grievances. Like you know what I mean? Like they that the isolation, right? The strike team. We don't have to exp get into the details of explaining why it is annoying for that because we're allowed to complain. You know, we try to be big girls, we try to be tough, we try to be big.

Heather (23:02.975)
Yeah.

Edralyn (23:23.362)
big and courageous for our kids and we try to be positive for our kids, right? We're trying to mirror all these things that we want our kids to have. But we're human. We're allowed to have these negative feelings. Like what we do with it is that's the important lesson really. But you know, we we forget that sometimes. We can we can sit there and have these negative feelings and we can express it. And we can express it to a firewife where

Yes, she understands it. Like there's no like questioning of why you think it's annoying that there are four siders hires, right? When there we should be fully staffed, right? Like you don't have to explain why, you know, like vacation might be canceled. You know, like where in other worlds, like, no, there's you you can't.

Heather (24:12.759)
Yeah.

Edralyn (24:16.556)
You can't cancel someone's vacations, you know, like which technically we can't, but there there's a little bit of like some gray areas right in the emergency response schedule, right? there's there's those like those gray areas where you have to trade Christmas so you can have a birthday, right? Like there are things like that that people in our tribe in the

Heather (24:29.313)
Yeah.

Edralyn (24:45.006)
pri fired tribe that just understand it and we kind of have to play this game of like okay what day is important what what are we willing to give up where in like corporate world no you get the last two weeks of Christmas possibly off and everybody gets to stay home. We don't have that luxury and so I think it's important for for us to make

Heather (25:00.406)
Yeah.

Edralyn (25:11.192)
to keep that connection with the fire wives because we get it. We understand it on a level that not most people understand and ha sometimes taking the time to have to explain it gets annoying, to be quite honest. You know, just to be plain and simple. It does get annoying.

Heather (25:25.239)
It's it's yeah, sometimes it's a more frustrating trying to explain this world than actually like living in it. Trying to explain it to someone who doesn't quite get it can get a little frustrating like over and over and over again for each person who doesn't get it.

Edralyn (25:33.335)
Yeah.

Edralyn (25:37.41)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then you

Maria McDonald (25:38.571)
Yeah.

Edralyn (25:43.991)
Yeah. Yeah. And then you see other firewives that might be doing something right or the way that you love it and you reach out and say, Hey, how'd you how'd you figure that out? What's working for you? Because they they they figured out something like a life hack that you you want in on, you know. So

Maria McDonald (25:45.517)
Yeah, my

Heather (26:02.559)
Yeah. I'm curious, what is maybe something that like you didn't expect going into this fire life of like maybe something that kinda sucks. and something that you didn't expect that's like, this is actually pretty cool.

Heather (26:23.455)
Either of you. I'm like what what is I feel like 'cause going into this, like for me personally, like as like supporting Jared, my husband, through all of this, is been like we just went into it with those rose colored glasses on and we're like, this is great. This is gonna be a great career and we're gonna have a family and this is gonna be awesome but then obviously we've seen some negative sides to it, but also there's other sides where we can get those trades or

to get the kid's birthday off or something like that. So what what would you say maybe something that's like, this is like a bummer versus something that this is awesome?

Maria McDonald (27:04.825)
For me.

Edralyn (27:05.026)
I don't think you really ever can be prepared for the life for the life of like an emergency responder. because it's it's constantly changing, right? Like there's so much that changed during COVID. There's so much that's changed as we become more aware with mental health or sleep deprivation or you know, and cancer scares and heart scares. There's always something that is changing within

Heather (27:10.123)
Yeah.

Edralyn (27:35.299)
This profession, this field, that we can, I feel like we can never really get ahead of it and really prepare ourselves. Right. I think what works for us in that sense is still doing our very best to prioritize our our family and prioritizing our core beliefs in just making sure that whatever is happening outside.

Our main focus is preserving what we want to preserve, and that's our family and our our our core belief. And what's great about the fire service is definitely the the family that we do get to do this job with and do this be in this lifestyle with. we've made really great connections with the people

that it are going through this with us through the hard times and the happy times. I think we've really bonded through great memories and even like really sucky memories. Like we've really been bonded for life. And so I definitely could not see ourselves doing anything else.

Not that there's anything against, you know, like people that work in office, but that's certainly not a feel that I could see my husband doing. He loves to serve and he so that's that's where he belongs. He's always served. He was in the military and he's always given himself to others. So I can't see him doing anything other than that.

Heather (29:07.081)
Like it for everyone.

Heather (29:21.729)
Sitting in a cubicle doing paperwork.

Edralyn (29:25.334)
Yeah, I just don't see him pushing paperwork like that. He's he's a man of action.

Maria McDonald (29:28.879)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (29:30.529)
Yeah. Anything you'd like to add Maria?

Maria McDonald (29:36.567)
Yeah, I think something that's well, like you said, like something pretty sucky. It's like when you know, like you see the schedule but you're like, Well, that's not set in stone. Like, I know I may or may not see my husband on this day that he's supposed to get off, you know. it's

That not knowing when they're gonna get forced or when they're gonna come home. but then also you have all these people around you that have gone through that and understand your frustration, your sadness, against like what Edralyn said, a department that should be fully staffed and it should not be happening. and yeah.

getting that that fear of getting a call, hey, something happened, something went wrong during this call. or my husband coming home and saying, hey, I had a near miss. Like this almost happened to me last night and it was really cool. And you're like, but how are you saying this was cool? Like you almost got Yeah. But you also see it like that

Heather (30:51.873)
That's that's very scary and terrifying.

Maria McDonald (31:03.309)
their eyes are like you know so lively and it's something that they're passionate about that nobody else would understand if they don't have that passion. Like who in their mind minds would love to run into a building that's on fire. And you know, everybody would think like well that the person's demented like you run the other way. You run away from it. You don't go into it. and then

y all you can do is just like, yeah, support them and and hope for the best and leave your life and then like Edralyn was saying, like everybody within this lifestyle knows what you're going through, knows what you've been through. And I think it's very important to pass like the baton to the new firewives and let them know, hey, we've

We've been on your shoes, we've already walked this road, it's okay to feel this. it's okay to reach out, it's okay to feel scared, you don't have to to keep it in, you know, just because you're the new wife, don't be shy, like it's okay to be mad, it's it's okay, you know, just just reach out. because out outside people, corporate people.

Like my friends back home don't understand, like, how are you happy to have the house fully to yourself for two days? Like, are you happy you're not gonna see your husband for two days? I'm like, Well, it's it's pretty nice to have the house and the peace and quiet, you know. but how do you like to have your husband Monday through Friday, you know, five to ten? Like a

Heather (32:45.623)
Mm.

Maria McDonald (33:02.445)
You know, we all adapt to the lifestyle. this is normal for us now. This is yeah, it's it's her day-to-day. it's her normal, it's her standard. it's crazy from the outside, but I wouldn't have it any other way, you know. we have that bond through the good times, but also through the traumas we've gone through.

the Edralyn says the cancer scares, losing our friends to cancer, our family members, our brothers, sisters, you know, that's something that will tie us to the rest of our lives. So yeah.

Heather (33:54.025)
It's very, yeah, important to have those connections and relationships and be able to feel supported in those scary moments.

Maria McDonald (34:01.847)
I think it's a very special bond you'll never forge in any other area, you know, any other profession. You'll never have this tight knee community of brothers and sisters, you know. It's it's the family we we chose and we love, you know.

Heather (34:24.599)
let's go ahead and end it with a few questions, takeaways for maybe some newer firewives. what would you say to a firewife with her husband going on his first strike team?

Maria McDonald (34:43.587)
Definitely reach out to other firewives, you know. it's it's not simple and it's not easy, especially if you're newly wed. know that you wanna hear from them for a full twenty-four hours and when you feel nervous or scared that something is going wrong.

reach out to a seasonal firewife that you confide in or you feel comfortable talking with and they'll tell you exactly what I heard from Edralyn or heard from other wives. Hey, the 24 hour period is normal. They're out in the mountain, they don't have their phones with them, there's no service, you just need to trust that they're okay. you'll hear from them the next day and if something goes wrong, somebody will reach out.

to you and you'll know exactly what's going on and just try and and and leave your life as normal as possible if you like to go out for a run go out for a run if you like to go dancing go dancing just don't stop your life don't freeze time just because they're not here just you need to keep on living because

You are yes, their wives, but you're also your own person. So you need to take care of your individuality.

Heather (36:19.007)
Edralyn, what would you say to a firewife who maybe is feeling isolated in this lifestyle?

Edralyn (36:28.418)
I think it's definitely easy for us to get into that kind of mode, especially for firewives that maybe live not close to other firewives, right? but what I would ask them to do is just make the effort. It might require them to do a little bit more of the work, right? And that

vulnerability, but I I believe that it will be definitely worth it in the end. so put yourself out there, be courageous, connect in the way that you, you know, feel comfortable connecting, whether it's just text messages, maybe it's just through social media. Maybe you want to, you know, play it safe and you wanna do it through social media and just connect in that way.

That's fine. I I promise you, especially I can only speak about this department. Like everyone is welcoming. And because someone, you know, who might have been here for a year or or more didn't personally connect with you at an event, that's because you know, there was that's they didn't get a chance to. But if you put yourself out there and introduce yourself and just say, Hey, I'm so and so, we just

you know, we just started with this department. Like you will be received well and in such a positive way, but you do have to sometimes be the one to take that first step. I know what's really cool about our fire department and there there are a lot of events that are not formal or serious that you can definitely

participate in with or without your firefighter and so there are opportunities for you to meet other firewives other families so yeah just make that courageous step and reach out and definitely like i said in the beginning like you have to let people know what it is that you are needing or that space that you

Edralyn (38:47.358)
need to be filled and you have to vocalize it so that people can show up the way that you you need to, you want them to.

Heather (38:55.927)
Awesome. is there anything else you guys would like to add before we go?

Maria McDonald (39:01.803)
I would like to add now that Edralyn touch on if you feel comfortable reaching out through social media, don't compare yourself on what we post on social media because everybody just posts the nice stuff, the the trips, picture trips, or I I don't know, even when we have formal events like the Christmas party, everybody seems

Heather (39:21.196)
Mm.

Maria McDonald (39:31.833)
You're jolly and happy. And then in the inside, you're like, well, maybe all these people are not going through what I'm going through. They're not struggling how I'm struggling. but that's not true. We we all are, but we just decide to always just show our best self in social media. We've been working hard as to normalizing the mental health and

the reentry, I've I've seen some wives posting more like this is what reentry looks like for my husband and sometimes they just put like a a video or joke or something and it's like, yeah, let's normalize it a little bit. But for a newly ha firewife, maybe they just are like, maybe this is something just

Heather (40:26.743)
Something's wrong with me or something's wrong.

Maria McDonald (40:28.439)
Me and my and my husband are marriage or this just happening to me. It's just like, no, I remembered one time calling Edralyn and I'm like, Edralyn, this is driving me crazy. He comes back and there's clothes everywhere and she's like, yeah, like that used to happen to me as well. I'm like, my god, I thought it was just me and him and this was just like driving me crazy. Like this just like little things that until

Heather (40:42.527)
Okay.

Maria McDonald (40:56.171)
You're vocal about it, you see it's just not you and it's just like maybe not a perk or a problem, an issue pertaining just to you.

Heather (41:02.899)
Yeah. Just because it's not on social media doesn't mean it's not happening to all of us or differently in different ways. It's always I forget who. I heard someone say it's like rocking the canoe. They get out of the canoe, they leave for work, the canoe's rocking and we're there to drive it. And then they get back from work and it's rocking again once they get back in. So it's kinda finding how to balance the canoe.

Maria McDonald (41:07.759)
Yeah.

Heather (41:29.725)
Awesome. Okay, well thank you Fire Family Collective for listening to us today and joining. I hope everyone has a great day.